Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a hot homeless man
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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