I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
