just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
