Who did Billy Mays play for?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
