So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
