just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
