this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
