we have pet lesbian snakes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
