barbara walters just said penis...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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