Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
