mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
40s are totally the cure
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
