there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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