Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
