worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
