I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
