I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
