Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
