A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
