u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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