if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize