I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
