Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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