i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
