i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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