I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
