I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
