You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
