Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
