2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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