he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm too high and old for this...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
