I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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