I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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