I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
