the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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