Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
