he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
