ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize