FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
