i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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