Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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