Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
