I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
