i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
