The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
