"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
