i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
