Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
