Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
