She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
A+ Viking dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
