did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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