Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
