I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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