why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
