There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
