why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
