I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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