Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
