My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
