I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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