when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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