so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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