Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
