I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
